Career: The most valuable 4 questions.

Is it Wednesday already or only Wednesday? I’m having trouble deciding. Let’s go with Wednesday already.

Recently, I received a Women in Leadership Certificate from Case after taking a series of courses ranging from communication to negotiation. One course has a panel session I will never forget. Each woman had experienced difficult situations ranging from companies going under, to being the first female to earn partner at a law firm back in the day. They were my definition of courage.

One woman, when asked how she handled her company going scandalously out of business said, “you just step back and ask yourself, what pieces do I have left and how do I put them back together and do something with them?” I’m sure she was dismayed, I’m sure she had an “oh shit” moment but I’m also sure she never lost her sense of self.

She resonated with me. She attended school in New York and before she even said it, I knew she had been a cheerleader. Her poise and projection said it all. After the presentation I wanted to shake her hand and say thank you for her story. One other girl and I became her captive audience as she shared with us some of the best advice I’ve ever received. She reviewed the questions she asks herself to make sure she’s where she ought to be:

1. Am I learning something?
2. Do I make a difference?
3. Do I share the same values as this organization?
4. Am I having fun?

She noted that she can usually tell the answer to the fourth question by the time she reviews the first few. I love this because no matter where you are the answer may not be yes to all four of the questions all the time. As long as it’s most of them, most of the time, you’re all right. Our jobs may be challenging at times, or all the the times, but it’s worth it to me if I’m learning and making a difference. It’s okay to have a tough meeting if your colleagues know exactly what to say to make you laugh. Tough people are easier to work with if you can hold the perspective of them being a faulty cog in an otherwise well-meaning machine.

What do you think of these questions? How do you know if you’re on the right path?

p.s. I have something exciting to share coming up.

My Pompous Autocorrect and Other Worries.

I am un-apologetically back. Writing is a love of mine that I have gone without for too long. How often do we get caught up in thinking if we can’t do something “fully” in our minds, we don’t do it at all. I have felt this way about working out and writing the past few weeks. I’ve been hard on myself. You have to (re)start somewhere.

How I feel in the winter is hard to explain. The functioning depression is like a blanket but not in any sense of comfort. Hyperbole and a Half has the most amazing cartoon on depression. In a way I’ve never been able to really define what listlessness is, what the variations are, I look at that cartoon and I think…yep, that’s it, that’s exactly it.

My friend Megan, at It’s My Time to Sparkle and Shine, posted “Anxiety and Depression.” I read through it and thought, yep, that’s how I feel right now. Then I thought, I should reach out to her, and then I didn’t because I was being selfish. I finally sent her a message so we’ll see. I have finally learned (I think) you can’t care about anymore more than they care about themselves. How quickly we forget it works the other way too. It’s hard to feel the world’s love if you don’t love yourself first.

The good news is, I finally feel like I’m breathing above water again. When my alarm goes off, I get up because I want to. I don’t feel like I could probably lay there for ever but get up anyways because that’s how I was raised.

Then, I get this feeling. Just like Hyperbole and a Half draws.

So, to completely change direction of this conversation, I want to discuss something very, very serious.

My autocorrect is a snob.

I feel like this is my fault. I have insisted on it using apostrophes, capitalization, and yes, even the occasional semi-colon. It is now completely out of control. Instead of fixing tiny mistakes my phone inserts lengthy pretentious words.
If I mistype “the” and type “rhe”, “rhetorically” is automatically inserted. ex. “Rhetorically pizza is delicious.
“Os” instead if “is” becomes “ostensibly.” ex. “She ostensibly crazy.”
“Majes” instead of “makes” turns into “majesty.” ex. “He majesty me so happy.”

With these errant autocorrects, it was only a matter of time before something truly tragic and/or hysterical happened….
I wasn’t sure if my girlfriend was at work one day or not so I intended to text her, “Are you here today?” I was confused by her response of, “everyday…did you mean to ask me that?” At which point I scrolled up to review what I had asked, here’s how the conversation actually went:

Me: Are you heterosexual today?
Her: Everyday…

Is your autocorrect pretentious too? Do you ever give up because you can’t do something fully? How do you get back on the wagon?

That one time, in Seattle.

The Pacific-Northwest is a destination I have dreamed about going to. Our family trips seemed to always head east. In college I go a little more south and south west but the square states continued to elude me.

I’m starting to gather a laundry-list of “you’d-love-it” places to go. Everyone has these destinations, someone asks, “Have you ever been to Denver?” “No,” you reply. Then, their immediate reaction is “YOU’D LOVE IT.” Usually preceded with a gasp, occasionally paired with a hand clap, always accompanied with a look of awe and excitement.

On my “you’d-love-it” list was Portland, OR and Seattle, WA. I’m not a hipster but I am obsessed with Portlandia, fresh seafood, and the West Coast Mentality. I remember talking to my cousin about what it’s like to work in the Pacific Time Zone, “by the time you start working, everyone’s already been at it for hours, it’s like coming in to work after lunch everyday,” he said.

My cousin moved to Portland a while ago. I can’t really put a year on it, but it was a big deal. I have a small family and we’ve all managed to stay contained to Northeast Ohio. Dan (my cuz) went to Bowling Green and stayed out “west” and his first job was in Dayton (I think, maybe Findlay) and that was a big deal. His decision to head really, really, really west to Portland was hard to swallow. I felt like once one person packed up and left the core family area it would be a release of the floodgates. I was sure I would be next, to Houston or Chicago or Boston, and we all know how that story is going so far. Dan’s brother did just move out to Philly, so the family spread has begun. Philly is not on my “you’d-love-it” list, but I do need to go now!

I digress.

Portland had been on my radar for a while and with Portland comes Seattle. It doesn’t make sense to go to one and not the other- I mean, they’re the only cities up there. That’s my beef with Portland, I would love to live there except it seems very cut off from the rest of the US of A. Maybe we’re spoiled in the Heart of America but I like the driveability of so many destinations. I do wonder that if Portland and Seattle were any closer to civilization they might not be who they are today. They’ve been able to grow into the diverse, hipster microcosms because of the divide. Interesting thought. But then explain Austin…definitely not in the middle of nowhere, and in the heart of the biblebelt and oh, I don’t know, Texas, and still manages to be super weird. #KeepAustinWeird.

Am I ever going to write about my trip to Seattle and Portland?

My Partner-In-Crime and I decided to head west for a fall vacation. With much thanks to my graduate class schedule, our time was limited. This would be a Thursday-Sunday trip to Seattle and Portland. Were we crazy? Yes. Did it all work out? Fabulously.
We flew into Seattle on Thursday and arrived early afternoon. I am loving arriving at destinations day of. My previous thoughts have been to arrive the night before and wake up fresh. Recently, we’ve been arriving day of and it’s great. There’s just something nice about being able to get ready at your own place in the morning. I have all of my make-up, my whole wardrobe (well, what’s not packed) and it just feels nice. Seattle was easy to navigate from the airport to the public transit and we got off at a stop not even a block from our hotel.

We stayed at The Arctic Club in Seattle. To date, it’s my favorite hotel stay ever. There’s a rich history of being a place where goldminer’s would come down from the Yukon to to lavish in their riches. It was a step back in time, into a very luxurious time. It doesn’t hurt that it’s a 4-Diamond Hotel either. Even though it is a Hilton Property, it felt very cozy. I love boutique hotels. The entrance features a bar and billiards table. We enjoyed the service of Viktor later that evening. Yes, with a “k”! They had any sort of classic concoction you can think of, Boyface ordered a Manhattan, of course, and I requested an Aviator. We also attempted to play pool and disgraced the game. It’s shameful to think I grew up with a billiards table yet my skills are wanting.

First order of business was to check-in and plan for the remainder of our day. The room was spectacular. I loved the walruses on every door. We had a general idea of what we wanted to do with no set schedule. Seattle is one of the few places we’ve travelled without having a built-in tour guide. I adore that most of our travel is strategic around where our friends and family are. Nothing beats having a local, but we didn’t. We were doomed to being touristy and Seattle did not disappoint. We ventured out to Pike’s Place Market and had chowder. We devoured some wicked pizza at Serious Pi, upon the recommendation of a friend. We even picked up some cheese and were tipped off to a good place to taste wine. We spent some time in the wine shop tasting some Washington reds and playing with a brand new baby kitten. After acquiring a bottle for the hotel we marched back, with the hills reminding our calves of what San Francisco feet like.

We re-cooped at the hotel and indulged in our wine and cheese. I don’t traditionally think of Washington as a place for wine but I was impressed. We got to watch the Browns embarrass themselves for about half of the game before it was time for our reservation at Elliott’s Oyster House. This may have been a fairly commercial place in Seattle but the food was incredible. We split some oysters and really enjoyed ourselves. This is when we figured out that we like east coast oysters the best though. So, in some rare occasions, the west side may not always be the best side. Except in Cleveland, west side is the best side, whaaaat.

Sorry.

We were pretty pooped afterward and this is when we retired to the best bar ever and played a pathetic game of pool. I have some evidence of a night well had. Not only did we eat through Seattle, my favorite way to get to know a place, we drank through it too.

The next day we had some time to kill before our train left for Portland. I wanted sushi. We picked out a place in their International District with killer reviews and notoriety for being hard to find and super small. We walked around the beautiful city and found some waterfalls, glass blowing, and really strong coffee. When we arrived to the sushi place shortly before noon there was already a line at the door. Good thing too because there was no signage or markings of any kind to note this building might house some of the best sushi you’ll ever had. The sushi delivered and soon we were on a train to Portland.

I don’t want to talk about the train. We shared our car with a very, very loud family. I could barely hear myself think, just screaming at each other continuously, despite being less than 35 inches apart. Un-friggin-believable. I tweeted at AmTrak about the whole ordeal and had a nice chat with them about the new Mumford & Sons album. Kudos to you AmTrak. We took the scenic route, the Cascades, and it was gorgeous. They don’t make mountains like those back east.

My view from the train.

Okay- I think we’ve had enough for now. This was Seattle in nutshell. Can’t wait to spend more time there, wish it wasn’t so secluded.

Portland, OR is up next.

What is your favorite place to visit out west? If you went to Seattle, what would be the first thing you did?

What’s on you “you’d-love-it” list?

One of the Best Feelings in the World.

Nothing beats a handwritten note. Call me old fashioned but but receiving a card in the mail that is not junk elates me. In college I kept a correspondence up with my Grandmother. Sure we talked on the phone but there is something special about knowing someone took the time to sit down with a pen and paper and write you a note.

I currently have a pen-palship with one of my close friends and sorority sister, though I think we’ve both been out of sorts since the holidays. I’ll see her in a few weeks and we will pick up after that I’m sure! I also received a couple of congrats cards in the mail from family and friends regarding my new endeavor at work and they meant so much to me!

I’ve seen some “challenges” for 2013 regarding sending notes. Perhaps send one note a week to people who have made a difference in your life? It’s amazing how notes always seem to come at just the right time. One of my besties recently sent me a “just because” and I happened to open it after a very trying day of a very long week. That’s just the way the universe works.

My stationery collection is very dear to me. My first set of stationery was American Girl Themed, Felicity, if you know the girls as well as I did. I heard they retired her. I haven’t checked. I think it would break my heart to know that young girls don’t have a doll to fantasize about living in the Colonial Times with. When there was water damage in my last apartment that inundated my desk, I lost a considerable amount of my stationery. I was upset, and my roommate and better half obviously didn’t get it. They didn’t see the pages made for writing about convivial life on them would never see ink.

This year for Christmas I received a whole gift bag of stationery. It’s my favorite kind of stationery because it’s a random assortment of Chinese Blossomed, Kennilworth, IL, and hand-drawn daisies by my better half’s mom! I have been re-inspired to write notes. If you’d like one- let me know, I even have some of my Felicity stationery still.

If you ever think, “I should send so-and-so” a note, I challenge you to see that wonderful, nice, kind gesture through. You never know what it may mean to them.

Here are a few of my favorite cards to write on:

Heart of Gold Stationery Set by Charm & Gumption

Vera Bradley Note Cards

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have a Happy Friday Everyone! Hope to see you at #KaraokeCat

!

My Melange: Happy Stuff

It is with great delight I can share with you a few unrelated wonderful things:
My marketing professor is the real life version of the old man in Up! He is just as surly yet funny. He opened the class with some jokes. He reviewed our syllabus with a few bonus tangents. I’m not sure if our class is laughing at the jokes of the well-timed dead pan afterwards. I’m very excited to see what this class will bring. Does anyone know a good joke? He will be asking the class to pull our weight in keeping marketing strategy as light-hearted as possible.
I love being silly in love. When I reflect on what I am most grateful for in my relationship I thank goodness for the fun we have. Whether we are traveling to California or making dinner, we have so much fun. It’s reassuring to know that my partner-in-crime is up for sushi and an adventure, or cribbage and a cheese board.

Breakfast is my nemesis. Not my arch nemesis though, it’s not that bad. I just don’t like breakfast foods like I used to. I really wanted to make oatmeal happen and it’s not going to happen. A more feasible option will be to make some time to put cereal back in my life. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss Honey Bunches of Oats or Frosted Mini-Wheats. I’m also loving having dessert for breakfast, and by that I mean eating yogurts that have naughty flavors like Raspberry Cheesecake and Key Lime Pie.

I’m already dreaming of my weekend, of happy hours, #KaraokeCat, and Harry Potter themed birthday parties.

When I Don’t Have The Words.

This week has flown. Starting a new role a work can really make your head spin. Even after one week, I’m really excited for the work I’ll be doing. Who knew how fast time flies when you’re manipulating data in excel?!

The aspect of my new endeavor I’m most excited for is the challenge. The people I’m surrounded by not only want to help me with my projects but challenge me as well. I crave self-improvement and with challenge comes betterment. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my first full work week of the new year.

More challenges mean more energy. With needing to be 100% each day I have every bit more of a reason to keep myself in tip-top shape, mentally, spiritually, and physically. I’m definitely getting in my eight glasses of water a day (finally) but my sodium intake is less than desirable. It’s so hard to make being healthy a habit. I’m sorry that I feel that way too, because if I felt the true gravity of what being well-balanced means, I don’t think I would view it as a choice. One day at a time.

Are graphic quotes overdone? I hope not. It’s funny how you seem to see the perfect quote at the right moment on the right day. In a weird way, I think it’s how life provides. Here are some beloved quotes I’ve come across:

Have a lovely weekend- be safe and make good choices

Imagining What People Look Like: Radio Edition.

I listen to a lot of talk radio. I commute to work about 40 minutes each way and typically fill the time with talk radio and the occasional podcast. The radio and show hosts have become like friends to me. Except, they are friends I’ve never actually seen. That being said, I often imagine what my “friends” look like. Over the years I’ve accidentally seen pictures of radio hosts. The way the person actually looks is usually not anything like I’ve imagined.

I was googling a a talk show today and once again stumbled upon a picture of a host and I was not prepared to digest that a host I thought would be super hot in real life actually had a mullet-like haircut.

I want to have some fun here, are you with me? I’m going to find pictures of who I think my favorite radio hosts look like and then I’ll find actual pictures of them and we can see how close I am. My guess is on the left, the real deal is on the right! If you’re not ready to see what you favorite Cleveland, Freakonomics, or Wait, Wait, host looks like, stop now! If you dare….

Alan Cox Show

Alan Cox: I was really far off here. He is super sarcastic and really smart so I associated him with a funny, nerdy 30 Rock type of guy AKA Judah Friedlander.

Erika Lauren: I think I nailed this. I’ve always imagined her as a Kat Von D without the tattoos. What a classy, fun girl to have in Cleveland! I love her on the show, she reminds me of myself and most girls probably feel that way about her. She made a ballsy statement that she studied Russian history in college and could be asked about it. Then she couldn’t think of any Russian history facts on the spot. Sounds exactly like something that would happen to me.

Chad Zumock: I’m not going to say I got this right, but I don’t think I got it wrong either. He looks a little more Dane Cook than the lead singer of Sum 41.

Rover’s Morning Glory

Dieter: My guess wasn’t as bulky as the real thing. I was on the right path of a tan, image-conscious young man though.

Duji: I was way off for Duji. I’ve always imagined her to be very normal, I think I got that essence right. When I was looking through images, I was trying to find a woman that seemed easily approachable. I think of Duji as someone I would like to go to happy hour with.
Rover: He’s skinnier than I imagined. I just knew he had a goatee. You can practically hear that kind of thing over the radio.

Lanigan and Malone

Listening to these guys in the morning has been passed down in the family. I can tell when my mom makes a bad joke about current news stories exactly where it’s from.

Lanigan: Point for me. Though he was not who I was talking about earlier, is that a mullet? I’ve always imagined him at Pat Sajak.
Malone: He sounds just like he looks. I love he deep chuckle, especially during Knuckleheads in the News.

NPR’s Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me: Carl Kasell & Peter Sagal

Carl Kasell: I’m a little dissappointed Carl isn’t actually spinning turntables during the show. They must edit in the music afterwards. Did I mention it’s my dream to have his voice on my voicemail?

Peter Sagal: Not too shabby. I think we’re seeing a theme here. I associate the radio DJs I like with beloved sitcom characters. That makes sense. Leonard in Big Bang Theory is smart and apologetically intelligent, so is Peter.

Freakonomics: Steven Levitt & Stephen Dubner

Levitt: I swear I didn’t know! I was imagining a very Chicago-esque guy. When I think of somebody who can challenge conventional thinking yet still be charming about it, Will Arnett has been playing the role of Steven Levitt until now.
Dubner: I’m pretty proud of myself for this one too! I’ve always pictured a young Einstein. Stephen Dubner does not disappoint. Is there a career for guessing what people sound like from listening to them?

Delilah

I have so many memories of listening to Delilah, “Deliiiiiilah, looooove someone toniiiiight.” I would listen to her show falling asleep when I was young, slowly turning the music down lower and lower. When I would wake up in the morning the sound wasn’t even audible.

Delilah: She’s a blonde! I should have known. She looks as charismatic, warm, and loving as she sounds. This makes me very happy.

Who are some radio personalities you’re curious to see? Has someone ever looked drastically different than you had previously imagined?

The Start of Something New: A Rambling of Sorts.

Today is the first official day in my new role at work. I am transitioning out of quality and training and into being a strategic improvement analyst. I’m very excited to really flex my analytical muscles and learn more about the business. I really wanted to go into consulting after graduation, maybe something cross-cultural to involve my Chinese Studies background. I’m not sure what happened other than I didn’t have the confidence in myself to apply for a consulting firm. I know thousands of recent graduates do it every year but I couldn’t see myself, with no office experience, trying to make recommendations for businesses. I’m only a couple years out from where I was but now have the confidence to move within business units.

Spring semester starts next week. I have three classes this semester but one will only go for a month on Saturdays. I think I have all of my books but I’m not sure. One may have delivered but I’m not sure where I put it! We did so much organizing this weekend and I still feel like I have so much to do. We did some rock star cooking at home this weekend. I made my chicken sausage, peppers, and kale pasta. I tried a new chicken sausage and it was terrible. It was like a hot dog. Unfortunately, I do like hot dogs, but it was all wrong for my usually classy dish. I also made ground turkey chili on Saturday and cucumber & tomato salad on Sunday. I’m trying to eat healthier, really I am. But then I go and get a smoked gouda block at Earth Fare and it’s all downhill from there. I need to just not keep those temptations in the house!

Also, I’ve been listening to Bruno Mars’ new album and I’m sorry to review that it’s just okay. His song, “Locked Out of Heaven,” is a radio favorite for me right now. I had high expectations for this album and it has left me wanting. I can already hear each single being played relentlessly on Q104 and not minding it, but it’s not anything mind blowing like B.O.B. was for me last year or Norah Jones’ latest with Danger Mouse. An album that surprised me with its depth and playfulness? Ke$ha’s Warrior. I do think at this point you either like her and appreciate her tongue-in-cheek swagger or you might not. I was nervous to listen to this album because I was afraid she might not have grown up with me. Ke$ha came into my life at a time where I was staying up all night, sleeping on couches, and could wear unlimited amounts of glitter without repercussion. I’ve happily (mostly) moved on and I’m pleased to report that Ke$ha has too. Yes, there are a few party anthems but she’s really experimenting with her voice (not auto tune) and I’m loving it.

I am loving everyone’s fitness and running plans for the year. They are very inspiring and intimidating. I have some very active friends and follow some very ambitious bloggers. I’m slowly developing my personal fitness goals for the year but am having a tough time. So far we’ve developed “weigh-in Wednesday” which so far have brought to light that I have a lot to work on. For me, staying fit was so much easier when I was a part of something- track or cheerleading or even sand volleyball. Now, it’s up to me. This will be an invigorating challenge, I need to be healthy for me and value myself enough to do so. I have always relied on my valuing of others opinions, coaches, squads, teammates, for motivation to sweat, now it’s going to have to come from within or bust.

How’s that for a montage of rambling?!

What are you starting this year? Any favorite new music?

So You Like Crazy Girls?

Yesterday I posted about a few noticeable traits about crazy tendencies. The response was almost as crazy as the habits mentioned. Lucky for everyone, I happen to be an expert on the matter of “crazy-girl” and the posts have just begun.

Today, I have good news for the over-the-top nuts ladies out there.

Are you wondering if I’m talking about you or a girl you or not? I’m not talking the girl who drank too much once and called her ex 100x, well, I think the final count was 64 but close enough. I’m not talking the girl who dropped out of college to find her spirituality in India. I’m not even talking about the girl who insists she’ll say no if he proposes and it’s not Tiffany’s. I’m talking about the consistently, truly bonkers.

So what’s the good news?

There is a population of guys (and girls, right?) that love crazy women. They love the drama, the thrill, the chance of being stabbed in the neck with a fork at any moment. If I had to put a number on it, it would be slim, maybe 1 in every 100 guys I meet. Still, that’s one more than I ever would have thought.

I will never forget sitting at a picnic table a couple summers ago talking with a group about where our love lives were at. Mine was, as Facebook would say, complicated. This is not about me though, it’s about crazy girls, which is definitely, absolutely, not me.

Someone said “well, Tom (whose name has been changed to protect his poor ridiculous girl-loving soul,) don’t you like to date strippers?” Tom, you now have my attention. He blushingly admitted, “I’ve dated a few exotic dancers…” Exotic dancers? Is that the PC term for stripper? They have the same connotation in my head frankly, but go on Tom…He also admitted, “I’m kind of seeing this one girl but, I don’t know, she’s kind of crazy.” Note: He was smiling wolfishly while saying this, like I might say, “I’m kind of dating this one guy, but I don’t know, he’s too nice.”

The table inquired about why he thought she was crazy. He then told us she was a redhead. This baffled me. I’m aware of all the irrational studies that say women dye their hair red means their having an affair, but how does being a natural redhead equate crazy? It gets better, Tom also let us know that she was 19 and was an aspiring model. Tom is at least 30. He then brandishes his iPhone and proudly shows us her modeling pictures that are posted on Facebook.

I remember the picture looking something like this.

My jaw hit the table. Was she hot? Yes. Was she practically nude in her profile picture? Double yes. He continued to flip through equally alarming pictures suited for a Penthouse or Playboy Magazine. I asked, “Tom, does it bother you that everyone can see these pictures?” He looked at me in a way that screamed, I’ve-never-thought-of-it-that-way before. His casual “nahhhh,” was a strong enough indicator for me to realize that I had found another crazy-girl lover.

My classification of this perpetual 30-something Cleveland bachelor was confirmed when he proceeded to explain how she was still living with her ex, then something about how she carried two phones, and a cherry on top in regard to bailing her out of jail for something. The rest of the table met his anecdotes with shock and gasps. I just thought to myself, thank goodness for him, we need somebody to keep these women occupied.

At times I’ve wanted to convert my guy friends who are constantly burned by the crazies. I want to step in and say, “haven’t you had enough?” It doesn’t work. At best they ignore you, at worst they tell her you said something and now you have a crazy-girl with a grudge against you. Not a fun position to be in, I’d imagine. Everyone deserves to be loved, even the chick who lies about growing up adopted.

My other favorite part of crazy girls? I don’t ever want to date one, but I will take one as a BFF any day. The loony ones make great friends. They’re loyal as whoa and you’ll never have to guess if they’re mad at you or not. You never have to wonder if they would sleep with your man if left alone with him, they will, so don’t. They will be there to text at 3 a.m. if you can’t sleep. They will have the best outfits to borrow for bachelorette parties and Halloween. What I love the most? They’re always scarily intelligent. That’s how they can be so crazy.

Me: “How’d you know he was here?” Crazy Best Friend: “I reversely hacked his iPhone and remotely installed a tracker and updated the GPS icon so that he doesn’t know the program is running.” Me:“Seriously? I can’t figure out how to stop my PC from automatically installing.”

Do you have crazy girlfriends? Do you know a crazy-girl aficionado?

#LiesToldByGirls.

I have a deep understanding and appreciation for how crazy I can be. It helps to know that I’m not alone. I feel better knowing that some of the insane things that come out of my mouth or my close girlfriends are not new to the civilized world. On twitter this morning, a hashtag caught my eye: #LiesToldByGirls.

I’m not sure I would call the statements that fell into this category as lies. I try to explain to my poor significant other that, “I know it’s ridiculous, but that’s how I feel,” and that’s true. Somehow, in my crazy girl brain, that’s really what I’m thinking.

I do have some favorite over-the-top female-logics:

• Going through his crap. Whitney Cummings does one of the greatest stand-up sets on this topic. Hopefully I won’t paraphrase this too poorly. She asks the men (or women, right?) “Does your girlfriend ever get mad at you but not tell you why? That’s because she snooped through your shit. We silently punish you for months until it randomly comes out, you’ll ask her, ‘honey, do you want to go to The Cheesecake Factory?’ and she lashes back, ‘WHY?! IS THAT WHERE CHELSEA WORKS?!” The best part is yet to come, Whitney then addresses how were are able to seriously justify the invasion of privacy, “I was just cleaning your wallet…you’re welcome.”
• “I’m almost there.” This can also come in the form of, “I’m just around the corner,” “I’m on-my-way” or “be there in a sec.” Sure, I’m chronically punctual, but many, many of my girlfriends are not. What I love about them is that they stay in contact, surely not texting and driving. Only a true lady can be 15 minutes late to something but still be able to rationalize swinging through a Starbucks’ drive-thru.
• “I could drink you under the table.” No I can’t. Why do I say that? You’re 6’5” and have golf buddies that can crush a case on the golf-course. I can’t even come close to consuming what you can and stand a chance of walking a straight line. Thank you, gentlemen of the world, who have heard me say that and just chuckled and said, “sure ya can.” Usually a back-pat is involved and I feel properly patronized and will stop the antics.
• “I don’t do drama.” I do not say this (but I’m sure I’ve made this bold claim at some point.) If you hear a girl say this, run. Quietly excuse yourself from the conversation. Anyone that makes it a point to say “I don’t do drama,” most certainly does. If there’s a sub-point that sounds anything like, “that’s why most of my friends are guys, because girls are too much drama,” just know that you are talking to a ticking time-bomb. This, through careful observation, I’ve learned means that they don’t have many girlfriends and it’s by way of causing insecure, self-conscious created drama.

What are some of your favorite crazy-isms?